I went through Danny's closet today...just to sniff his clothes. It's like Im trying to remember what he smells like. I'm also wearing his track top. The one he usually wears when he goes to bed. I really cant stop myself from crying everytime I think about him. I feel absolutely lost now. Im even trying to remember how he'd use to cuddle up next to me when we go to bed. *siGh*

Hawk's telling me to keep my mind occupied. Im trying to...but I cant. I somehow dont feel like doing any stuff anymore. This weekend Jing is celebrating her 19th birthday. I was looking forward to it...but now I just dont feel like travelling to Ipoh. I know if I dont go, she would be so disappointed. Hawk also said that going to Ipoh would be good for me too... but I dunno. Im feeling so miserable now. Im just afraid that I would still be that way there and I dont wanna spoil everything for her.

It's not like I cant do anything without Danny. I can...but it's just that Im used to spending time with him at the end of the day. I dunno... It's just so hard. Im trying my best to move on...but all I see is this long winding road ahead of me.

Dearest Danny,
Hello there
How are you feeling
Are you taking care

Did I mention
That the sky is so blue
My heart's filled with laughter
Ever since I met you

Are you coming back soon
Is everything okay
Im missing you a lot now
More each and every day

When are you coming to visit
Are you having fun
Is it tough being there
Are you lonely being one

I have to end this letter now
I hope to hear from you soon
With one last word I love you
May our love grow and bloom

Yes, day 1 of hell. I just found out that I wont have ANY cash to spend for next month. I feel extra bad cos Danny isnt here with me. My own computer monitor gave me a major headache and my keyboard sucks. I cant hook myself up to the net cos I dont have a network card. Gawd, life really sucks right now.

Everytime I read Danny's email, it just makes me wanna cry. I cant help it. It just makes me realise I wont be seeing him by the end of the day, like when he comes home from work. Im trying my best to save up however much money I can get ( which wont be much )

Now I know how does it feel to not be able to do anything without money. Like they say, money makes the world turn. It also makes people's lives much better...half the time anyway. I just feel so shitty cos he's not around to comfort me. What wouldnt I give to turn back the hands of time...

Great! Im starting to get all teary-eyed again.

Danny is now on the plane heading towards Melbourne, Australia while Im here, alone...feeling really crappy. He left without kissing me goodbye and he kept saying how much hugs I was giving him. In truth, I didnt really wanna let go. I know they expected me to cry then. I really wanted to, but I held back. I didnt want people to see me cry cos it's embarassing. Right now all I can do is cry in silence.

My heart is really aching and I dont know how to express this pain. I know it will get better, but I cannot help but feel sad. Those who have been through what Im going through now would understand that it's hard to say goodbye to your loved one. Maybe this is a test put out by GOD to test us of our strength and our love for each other.

I know 1 year is a short time, but right now it just feels like eternity to me. Leena was saying how strong I was to not cry. I felt that I wasnt strong because I was crying inside. Danny was acting so cold towards me then and that made me feel even worse. Maybe it's just his way of coping with the pain; to just separate himself from me.

It's really hard to let him go, but I had to...so that the both of us can grow. Danny, I miss you very much and I love you. Come back soon. :)

I just realized how short is today. My classmate, who is also a former schoolmate of mine just informed me of the passing of another schoolmate. I didnt know what was going on as I wasnt really close to Suet Mey. That was her name. Ive always seen her around in school, and we would often smile as we pass each other in the hallway or anywhere else. I cant say that I knew her very well, but I knew her enough to feel the loss. I saw her last a few months back in college. Yes, she was in the same college as I am in, but she took Journalism.

I first knew of her illness when I was in high school. Our dicipline teacher came up to the podeum and made a speech on how she was in the hospital with a brain tumor and needed an operation. It was during then I took notice of her. You would see her walking around school with a hat on because she had to go through chemotheraphy. She was quite lively then. But for the past 2 weeks, she had to be placed on life support.

According to my classmate, Maria, she said that Suet Mey apparently fainted 2 weeks before and fell into a coma. That was when she was placed on life support. And just this afternoon at 2:30 pm, her parents decided to take her off life support. It must have been hard for them to make that decision. I never really knew Suet Mey had this complications since primary school.

I really feel sad because she couldnt really live her life to the fullest. But it was time to take her place beside God. Never hesitate to tell someone how you feel, for you may never get the chance to do so once the person is gone.

Danny, Hawk and I idecided to visit Jing in Ipoh for the weekend since Danny might never have the time to do so anytime soon cos he will be leaving pretty soon. It was a 3 hour journey from Kl to Ipoh and Danny wanted to be there by lunch time. So in the end, we left for the station at 7:30 am and we managed to catch an 8:30 am bus. The trip was boring but non of us really noticed cos we slept most of the way due to late night works.

Once we arrived in Ipoh, Jing and her dad came and picked us from Medan Kit. If Jing hadnt told us to get of at Medan Kit, we would have probably stayed on the bus and travelled all the way to Alor Setar. -.-" We were now in Jing's territory. It was my 2nd time being in Ipoh and Im still not familiar with the area.

But anyway, she took us out for lunch and we got to meet her bf, Erik. We went to eat chee cheong fun. Jing said it was tasty so we decided to give it a try. Our bellies were filled when Jing announced that she would be taking us to have rojak. Since she insisted, we didnt have a choice but to have a taste. The rojak was nice, but it didnt really taste that different from the one in KL. Maybe it's just me. :D

Later for dinner, we went to a place which had steamboat buffet and western food. I cant exactly remember the name, but Danny wanted to go there for the atmosphere. The food was nice. After that, Jing suggested we tried the lolo in Ipoh. It tasted about the same, but the lolo in Ipoh is much cheaper. Haha~

We then had to send Samuel, Jing's cute lil brother back home cos it was past his bedtime. From there, we went to watch a movie ( Around the World in 80 Days ) at Jusco. It was a funny show. From the movie, Jing and Erik stopped by for loklok before we headed home. Hawk, Jing and I stayed up till 4:30 am to play Chor Tai Tee ( Big Small ) while Danny drifted off to LaLa Land.

Jing and I woke up at 12 pm today. I was half awake at 10 am this morning because Hawk and Samuel came in to throw pillows at Jing. But I felt as if I still didnt have enough sleep, so I went back to bed. When we finally woke up, Jing and I went to the saloon to get our hair done. I think Ipoh offers the best saloon price, IF you know how to find a cheap one. :) I got a haircut, wash and non permanent perm for only RM 25!!!!

While we did that, Danny, Hawk and Samuel went to Jusco. Danny met up with his friend. I wasnt too happy bout that. I dunno why but I just wasnt. Samuel had received some money for being the person who opened the door for the groom. You see, Jing's cousin was getting married today. Samuel 'belanja' Danny and Hawk Mc D's for lunch.

After that, Jing and I had to get ready for the wedding dinner. I felt out of place cos I was only goin in the place of Jing's sister. I didnt know anyone there, but the nice thing is the food was nice and the groom made this really nice slideshow thingy. Hawk and Danny on the other hand, went for dinner with Erik.

The night is still young, but Im feeling really old at the moment. What I feel like doing right now is just crawling into bed and just sleep. Im dead tired and Im not really in the mood for anything. I need my beauty sleep.

Gah, you know what? We went to watch the movies at Starlight cinema yesterday and it wasnt THAT bad. Just that they made some changes in movies, but they didnt inform the public about it. At least change the movies screening in the website or at least announce it on radio or something. Yesterday, I expected to watch Peter Pan and Shrek 2. Turns out, we only got to watch Peter Pan and they rescheduled Shrek 2 for the 2nd of July. That sucked big time. Shrek 2 got replaced with Taking Lives instead.

I really pitied those who brought their kids along just to watch Shrek 2. Imagine the disappointment. Even though I git free tickets to see the show, Im some what disappointed cos I didnt get to watch the show of my choice... my choice being Shrek 2. -.-" Oh yea, there were bugs flying everywhere...I think one even went into my eye. And there were plenty of mozzies. Note to self...if ever going for that event again, bring loadsa pillows, a nice mat, food and oh yea, wear mosquito repellent.

It's my 1 year anniversary with Danny! I cant believe it's been THAT long already. Anyway, he revamped my blog~ Isnt it pretty now? *biggrin* I like what he's done with it...but Im still trying to settle on a color for my tag board...-.-" I cant seem to find the color I like...

Okay, so anyway...Danny's at Kendo's purchasing the webcams as I type. I WAS suppose to get him a webcam for our anniversary too...but with me being broke and all, he decided I didnt have to get him anything. I just feel so bad cos he's taking out money to pay for 2 webcams when he should only be getting one. :( Thanks baby~ I love you so much~!!!!! *muAx*

Oh yea, we'll be going to watch Shrek 2 and Peter Pan tonight with 2 other friends. We got free tickets to the Starlight Cinema at Mont Kiara Equestrian. It's my first time going to an open air cinema thingy and I do hope we have fun. I pray it wouldnt rain and there wont be ANY mozzies! Gawd I hate those blood sucking monsters~!

Well, it's an uberly hot day today. I've been reading my all my friend's blogs and Im amazed at what or how much they can write about. To me, my blog is kinda boring compared to them. So yea... Im gonna try to make this blog look really nice...with Danny's help of course... :)

HmM...this morning there was an accident near my area. A car turned turtle... :P I heard the crash but I was too lazy to get out of bed. Decided to check it out when danny went to see. It was 4 in the morning for goodness sake. It's stoopid how people think when there arent any cars they can speed. Especially when they think they can take the sharp turning and ended up in an accident instead. This is what I call 'kiasu'ness.

Anyway, been feeling a lil under the weather today. Poor hawk, I bet he thought we were gonna be hanging around at the mall for a while after lunch. My stomach was so crampped up that I could barely focus. -.-" Hate those monthly visits. Oh yea, we had sushi for lunch...MmM... one thing about having sushi, it's expensive. Not to mention the sushi king at 1 utama sux0rs cos the food there doesnt look THAT appetizing compared to the sushi king's at midvalley or the one near jaya's.

Then today we celebrated Danny's grandad's bday. We had the usual 9 course meal ( I think it was 9) with sharks fin soup and longan for dessert. :) We had to go early cos the restaurant is normally packed with customers. I actually dont really remember what we had...cept for sharks fin, a kinda tofu, cat fish and longan...:) Oh, there was longlivity noodles too...:P

After dinner, we went back over to danny's grandparents home to cut the cake. It was fun cos we all took pictures of the 'generations'. HmM...too bad there isnt a picture of everyone together...and danny didnt bring his digital camera along too cos if not, at least we'll know how the pictures turn out. ;)

Oh yea...after all of that, we went to the pasar malam and it was hell of a scary thing. The dvd guy took us for a ride again so we could check out some new stuff. It was scary cos there were MPPJ people rounding around the area. I dont know what they do to people who actually purchase the dvds...but I do know that they'll slap a fine on the dvd seller and basically take all his stuff. Thank goodness nothing happened, although the MPPJ people were around the area when the dvd guy handed us our dvds. Gawd, I just hate it sometimes...

Well, that should end todays day. Ive been feeling utterly tired even though I had more than 7 hours of sleep. T_T That should conclude my day. Till next time.

I just read a couple of my friend's blogs and Im amazed at how much stuff they can write about. Sometimes Im just clueless on what I should write... cos half the time Im just worried it might be too personal, too dumb or just too...I dunno, you decide.

Ive been thinking lately about my past relationships. I realized that Ive sorta been playing around with people's hearts and finally, karma hits back, I get heart broken in the end. I wondered day and night what I did wrong but in the end I finally realize that Ive taken everything for granted and I should just move on with my life.

Right now Im in a wonderful relationship which is hitting it's 1 year anniversary soon. I should actually thank my ex for letting me go in order for me to find happiness now. :D

Okay, you may think this is random babbling...( which I think is too... :P) But there is some truth in it. Think about it, if you truly appreciate or love someone, you should always let them know.

Okay, so I managed to find out what he was giving me on our anniversary. :D A WEBBIECAM! It's not so bad seeing how much Ive been bugging him for it...lol. So anyway, I thought he was gonna get two so that when he goes over to aussie, I can still see him and all...but turns out he's oni getting one. -.-" LoL...well, Im also gonna be getting him a webcam...think of it as buying one for your own kinda stuff. :P

So we finally agreed on when we first got together...11TH!!!! LoL... cos he checked his diary and all. :P So yea... Jing wants us to go to Ipoh before he leaves for Aussie...but it'll be kinda hard seeing my tight schedule... Im just afraid I might be missing any dateline for my assignments...thats all...other than that Im not too worried. So prolly we will be joining Jing in Ipoh for a 3 days trip over the weekend. She will only be down after her exams though...

OmG~ It just hit me to as how close the end of this month is...T_T This is just so sad...Danny's leaving soon, and Im gonna have to move back to my house...T_T Oh man, Im gonna be so bored at home... my comp is down, my bro is in another state...one whole year is so gonna be long....T_T